One of the reasons I like being around young children is because their excitement is infectious—even when it is about inconsequential or mundane things. Michelle and I have been blessed by the fact that Augie is especially able to appreciate life's ordinary occurrences. There is no school day where he isn't thrilled to hear the words, "The bus is here" or where an evening meal of noodles doesn't excite him. While the rest of the world is trying to find the next best thing, Augie is enjoying life's smallest and most repetitive events. I will miss when his little-boy, heartfelt "Fanks" disappears, but I suspect it'll be replaced by a grown man's "Thanks"; somehow I can't imagine the contagious glow that permeates his being will ever disappear.

Okay...at this point I will allow any of you who consider the subject of proper biblical hermeneutics boring to stop reading this article...

Still there? :-)

Well, for those of you who are braving what could be a really dusty, boring dialogue...get a good shot of coffee and let's dive in!

Of course, you may not even know what the word "hermeneutic" means. My Mac's dictionary is short and sweet, stating it's "a method or theory of interpretation." Giving that topic it's proper attention would take far more than a single bulletin article, but let's go with a couple simple rules that perhaps we can immediately agree upon:

The English language owes much to the Bible, especially the King James translation. Even the most non-religious often use expressions directly from its phrasings or stories—for instance, "the patience of Job."

And Job did seem a pretty patient man. Even though he "was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil"¹ (Job 1:1), things went terribly south for him. First he lost his vast riches and all his children, but even in the midst of his grieving we learn that "in all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong" (Job 1:22). Then, with no knowledge of why the former or latter happened to him, he was "struck...with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head: (Job 2:7). His wife then encouraged him to give up his integrity and "Curse God and die" (Job 2:9)...

Although I can appreciate almost any style of music that includes a melody, I am especially drawn to tunes with heavy guitars. Over the years, Ozzy Osborne has had a knack for not only putting out songs with great guitars—he also attracts especially talented guitarists. (For those not familiar with Ozzy, he first became famous as the lead singer of Black Sabbath—another guitar-laden band.)

Perhaps Ozzy's most famous guitarist is Rhandy Rhoads, who is considered one of rock's best even though he died at the age of 25 in an airplane accident. Rhandy's death was hard on Ozzy...but life does go on, and Rhandy was ultimately replaced by Jake E. Lee, who was later succeeded by Zakk Wylde.

Which almost gets us to the acronym in this article's title. :-)

My good friend Winslow reminded me that I had left another article hanging. At the end of "What If'ing the Lord Almighty," which included rather disturbing incidents in the Bible where God's judgment didn't work out so well for children, I wrote:

So, how do I explain how a righteous God has children abandoned, swallowed up by the earth, "devoted to destruction," or drowned?

Although I may posit an answer in a future piece, the space limits of a bulletin article mean that I must leave it as an exercise for you. It is an answer an unbelieving world needs because vocal scoffers attempt to damn our God by bringing up every harsh incident that offends modern sensibilities...

Now, I will admit that I left myself enough wiggle room ("I may posit") that I didn't necessarily intend to do a follow-up. Was it a cop out? Maybe. However, after a game of phone tag with Winslow which included a voice mail message asking I finish what I started...well, here goes.

As Jeremy passed the deteriorating wood-tiled church on North Main Street, he tried to remember just how long ago its large doors had been locked for the last time. Was it ten years? Longer? Shorter? However far back it was, the doors were no longer white, having lost the battle with weather that any abandoned building does. Its handicapped ramp had also, long ago, seen its rust color turn into the hue of gray decay. From the looks of it, it also lost its structural integrity—a fitting unsafe entry path to an unused church.

For that matter, even religious worship would have been permitted if the proles had shown any sign of needing or wanting it.¹

Jeremy tried to narrow down the actual year by remembering other connected events. Although what finally finished off the small congregation was the hate-crime judgment against their minister, he wasn't the first conviction in Antrim when the Tolerance Purge ("Tolperge" in Newspeak) arrived. Not surprisingly, the first Tolperge drive avoided houses of worship, focusing instead on businesses. Religious kooks would be allowed their bigotry, at least for a time, but owning a business was a privilege in the eyes of the Federal Government, the Department of Tolerance, and their Tolerance Czar ("Fedgov," "Deptol," and "Czartol" respectively).